I am very good at starting things; I wax poetic about new ideas, new ventures, dreams I am just embarking on. But when it comes time to conclude such things, I find I am at a standstill; surprised, and lost for words.
So that is why this blog has sat untouched for such a long time. But as I am about to begin the next stage of my life, I feel it appropriate to properly conclude the last one, as difficult as that may be for me.
My time in Japan shaped who I am and who I want to become. Doesn't that, in and of itself, deserve some sort of resolution?
I want to write of the feelings I had there, the things I learned, the amazing people I met. The viewpoint it gave me on life. But instead, all I keep thinking of is my last few weeks there.
There was a sadness to the country, for it was in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami in March that I concluded my time. But never one to be deterred, and feeling as if I owed Japan much more, I spent my last week there celebrating her as much as I could.
Fresh out of work, I decided to spend a week by myself in Hiroshima. Now I've never been a particularly good tourist. That's not to say I'm not a good traveler, because it's clear from not only my writings but my life choices that travel is something I love. I've just never been good at controlled travel - I don't like tours and itineraries. But mostly, I don't like drawing attention to myself. There's always been a part of me who likes to be an observer when I travel, taking time to soak everything in. Blending into the background so as to experience the true nature of a place.
So traveling that time in Japan, such feelings were exacerbated, for I had lived there for over two years. I found myself an oddity in a very touristic area, not only to the Japanese people there, but even to myself. The look of surprise when I break out a bit of Japanese, or sit down at a food counter with full familiarity. A foreigner not immediately intimidated by the ways of Japan.
I traveled to Miyajima while in Hiroshima, aptly described as one of the most beautiful places in Japan. The large torii gate juts from the water and the whole island is frozen in Edo era architecture. But because of such beauty, I became another face in a sea of caucasian travelers. That alone was an odd experience. But then to be told my Japanese is amazing by clerks and waitresses was utterly unexpected, for it's serviceable at best.
But I could tell them "I live in Nagoya" and ask them "Do you have a box?" Suddenly, I was a savant. Then I asked for chopsticks, and I was an amazing sight to behold.
It was said sweetly enough to not be condescending. Not to say I haven't been treated condescendingly in the past for being a foreigner, especially having worked for a Japanese company. There is an inherent feeling that I won't quite understand the basic workings of things because I am foreign.
And maybe I never fully can, but as I wandered into the small tea shop on the island - ordering and conversing with the waitress as fluently as possible, perhaps part of me had understood. The world around me was no longer scary, but utterly familiar. It was, in a sense, home.
So it was with a heavy heart I left it, and all the people I met there, behind. But that week to myself began a languid goodbye to my adopted country. It afforded me the time to reflect on a very important two years of my life, and the changes it brought about.
I think everyone should have such an adventure. For though I can't pinpoint every way in which it has shaped me, I can say with definitive certainty that coming to Japan was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. The experiences and confidence I gained have changed me as a person, and I kind of like who she had turned out to be.
I will probably no longer update this blog. I have been back in the states for some time now and finally feel acclimated back to the way of life here. Tomorrow I begin Journalism school, and the next chapter of my life. So I will begin a new blog for a new beginning. You can follow me over here if you like.
But I will keep this up as a testament to my time Japan. And if I ever feel like it, maybe I will write about adventures I had there once again, for there were many I did not share. I just hope this is a fitting conclusion.
I've just never been very good at endings.
