Imported From Japan

Americans, as a whole, are very good at importing and adapting. From various disciplines we take an idea, tweak it, and make it work for us. I'm not critical of this; it is all part of our melting-pot charm. But one area where this practice is constantly criticized is in the arena of entertainment.

I won't really weigh in on this debate. Some see it as an unspeakable failure on the part of Hollywood and American Studios that they have to adapt and remake everything that is good from other countries. We can't appreciate or relate to the original, they believe, unless it's in an American dialect and setting. But I believe the idea that foreign remakes are always horrible is an unreliable truth at best. Yes, most British imports whose originals I liked, like State of Play and Coupling, had severely inferior versions made stateside. But I absolutely love The Birdcage and The Departed, originally a French and Hong Kong flick, respectively.

And when Hollywood wants to steal things from around the world, Japan has had some of its best stuff remade in the US of A.

But this post is not about those films. From the Godzilla re-edits to the Western-izing of most Kurosawa Samurai films (Yojimbo, Rashomon, and Shinichi no Samurai became A Fistful of Dollars, The Outrage, and The Magnificent Seven), lots of entertainment from Japan has been repackaged for American audiences. I mean, who can forget the influx of Asian horror film remakes in the last ten years? From the very good (The Ring) to cringe-worthy messes (One Missed Call).

No, this post is about the complete opposite. For as good as Americans are at importing things to adapt, the Japanese are the even better. Usually, they master something and improve upon it - such is the Japanese way.

So how these messes came about is lost on me.

I am here to present you with the reverse. American movies, television, and various parts of pop culture lovingly remade for a Japanese audience. I call it:

Remade in Japan: A Head-Scratching Interpretation

Naturally, the best place to start is with the movies. Now while we usually steal the best of the best, Japan took it upon themselves to remake Ghost.

, or Ghosto, was released in 2010. Because if anything was screaming for a remake, it was this 1990 seminal classic starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. But in a twist to reinvent this timeless tale, we have the woman dying instead of the man. Let's take a look at the trailer, shall we?

Man, it even has the iconic pottery scene, so you know this movie is all it needs to be. But my lingering question after the trailer is not about the fate of our lovers, but who the hell that little girl is, and why she can see the dead girlfriend. I hope its not because she's a ghost also. As a rule I generally don't like dead children to be part of my romances.

But whatever the answers to these questions, I can tell you that the Japanese Whoopi Goldberg looks hilarious and slightly crazy. So in another words, spot on casting.

But it's not just moderately successful romantic fantasy dramas that get remade in Japan. I recall seeing posters for this next film about a year ago and doing and honest to goodness double take just to make sure it wasn't a glorious illusion. I stood in front of the poster for a good 30 seconds before determining it was, in fact, real. Genuinely and absurdly so. I present to you the Japanese Sideways.

Now I never saw the original movie because I was 18 at the time and not exactly the "mid-life crisis trip through wine country" demographic. But I do love that they unabashedly and unashamedly remade the same movie, just with two Japanese guys. No twist on the formula, no swapping of locations to Japan or a more familiar area, no discernible differences at all. They just shipped themselves off to California and made this movie. Assuredly, all the funny harsh edges of the original were toned down. Which begs the question, in a country that has no great love for wine or pretentious oenophiles, why did this need to be made in the first place? Points for using a Cyndi Lauper song in a 2009 trailer though.

But now turning to a demographic of which I am most definitely a part, there is also a large amount of television that has been remade for Japan. To no ones particular surprise, cartoons especially were constantly remade for Japanese kids. But what was surprising was how much Animation studios here clearly wanted to stomp across my own childhood.

I spent a large part of the early 90s in front of the television watching Saturday morning cartoons with my brothers. They were mostly of the Superhero variety, and both my siblings and I still love these old cartoons. Japan took it upon themselves to blacken those fond memories with these monstrosities, like this Japanese remake of X-Men.

I want to Cry for this Damn Intro. Between the bad heavy metal and the constant barrage of punches, lighting, and flashing blue action lines, I got a headache just watching a minute and a half. I wonder what sitting through the show was like. And mind you, my entire knowledge of X-Men comes from a Saturday morning animation like 18 years ago, but I don't ever recall them fighting what appear to be Mutant Dragon Ground Worms and Space Robots. Didn't they just, like, fight Magneto and Mystique and occasionally evil Military operations? Perhaps I was just misinformed. All I can tell you is that I still hate Jubilee, whatever her incarnation.

Speaking of the woefully misinformed, I have no idea where the plot line for this next one came from. And because I was 6 years old in 1991, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a large part of my childhood at that time. Here is its bizarro twin, courtesy of Japan.

Because mutated turtles trained in the way of the ninja was clearly not a cool enough concept for Japan as is, they had to power up the turtles not once, but twice. Unfortunately, they look less like turtles when they super mutate or whatever and more like robotic body builders.

I was also surprised to see the gratuitous shots of Mt. Fuji since, you know, they live underground in the sewers and all. Perhaps there was a fun camping episode? At least the scene of them running from a subway gives me hope they spent some time underground. I also bet there are less pizza parties. I did, however, enjoy the cameo from Nagoya castle.

But moving on to something made in the last ten years, this next example proves that a show doesn't even need to be animated to get the animated treatment when it arrives in Japan. Supernatural, a CW show with which I am only vaguely familiar, is being remade in a series of DVDs that apparently is coming out very soon.

I remember Jared Padalecki from Gilmore Girls, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoy seeing him androgynously animated. But all in all, I think the Japanese Kansas cover speaks for itself.

In all fairness, a show about two brothers fighting monsters and demons is tailor-made for Japanese television. It could even work as a live action drama here, as it does in the states. But one could also think this of our next title, but somehow, something got lost in translation.

I heard of this show when I first came to Japan, and have heard much of it since from people back home. I am of course referring to the infamous 1978 Japanese television show, Spiderman.

Yea, Yea, Yea, Wow, indeed. Apparently this Spiderman inexplicably had a giant transforming robot, because hey, why not? But what I gleamed from the internet, and between the bursts of hysterical laughter by people here, this Spiderman may look like the Marvel character, but gets his powers from an alien. Or as Wikipedia tells me:

Young motorcycle racer Takuya Yamashiro sees a UFO falling to earth, in fact a space warship named the "Marveller" from the planet "Spider." Takuya's father Dr. Hiroshi Yamashiro, a space archeologist, investigates the case but is killed upon finding the spaceship. The incident also brings the attention of Professor Monster and his evil Iron Cross Army, an alien group that plans to rule the universe.

His father is a "space archeologist," he is supposedly a tough motorcycle racer, and his nemesis is called Professor Monster. Need I say more?

But I must finish this trifecta of Japanese entertainment with a reference to music. Music, of course, is a tough subject for remakes since such a thing as covers exist. These are not covers. These are what I like to call "shameless ripoffs." The melody is the same, but the songs are completely different. For example, does this first one sound familiar?

If you said, that sounds like something Janet Jackson sang once, you would be absolutely correct. Re-dubbed "Papillon" and sung by Shimatani Hitomi, it was apparently a big hit here in Japan when it came out. But do not be fooled by her sweet hair streaks and bitchin 90s pleather jacket; this video was made in 2001.

Ah but we have not left the turn of the millennium pop scene yet. I believe this one is hauntingly familiar.

It's "Larger than Life" by the Backstreet Boys, renamed barairo no hibi, or rose-colored days. I enjoy the twist that a girl group called MAX sang it instead of four guys, but beyond that I have very little to say about this video. They kind of just prance around an empty hotel lobby in their awesome pearl and velour jumpsuit combination. At least the sepia tone still shots of roses let us now this is a heartfelt and serious song. I believe the original Backstreet Boy video had a spaceship.

But this last one is probably the best of the whole bunch, if not of this entire post. It's why I saved it for last, because this is a song that needs to be truly savoured. It's both insane and amazing. This song, when it was released, turned the singer into the Japanese Ricky Martin. These lyrics, though, need to be seen to be believed. I bring you Hiromi Go's horrific "Goldfinger 99."

Ouch, it's hot, did you feel it? That was...well, I'm not saying "Livin' La Vida Loca" was Shakespeare or anything, but if the translation is to be trusted on this one, then, wow.

I feel like you could play a game with this song; pick your favorite insane lyric. I mean, between the evil feelings dancing in the sun and loins in sticky summer and violent feelings in his heart (which is apparently cocoa colored), I have no idea what the hell is going on in this song. And then he turns her into a mermaid? I mean, what the what what? It's like someone wrote this song using poetry refrigerator magnets. I've also yet to decipher what the Goldfinger is, or why there are 99 of them.

Oh, Japan. Shine on you crazy diamond.

Of Hopefuls and Heroines

I've had quite a full week.

Over the course of this week, the final stages of the massive redecoration of my apartment went into full effect. But because of the long hours spent moving furniture and meticulously sewing tablecloths (and oh how I wish I was kidding), its left me time to watch lots of ridiculously trashy television. TV of the kind I have not watched since I was in college, and my roommate and I would sit on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and marathon America's Next Top Model while we pretended to do homework and recovered from the weekend.

While finding my mindless reality TV online was not difficult, watching it actually brought back to mind many things I had forgotten. Like the fact that the second season of Project Runway was surprisingly great, both with the drama and the clothes produced, so much so the current incarnation is a poor substitute. I remembered that Tyra taught me that there is a difference between smiling and smiling with my eyes, and the seriousness with which she imparted this lesson. And lastly, how ridiculously stupid some people on these shows can be.

Now most of my reality show viewing, limited as it was, was really reserved for Project Runway (high on drama queens, low on the stupid people), but Top Model was ripe with stupid comments. And I think the pinnacle was from the beginning of season 11 (I refuse to call them cycles), which I never saw the first time around.

In the audition process we meet Susan, a recent grad from Harvard University, lamenting how her ivy league education was detrimental to her being taken seriously as a model. Besides the fact that her comment was extremely condescending, I would have told her not to worry about her brains getting in the way of anything. Because after talking about her university, and the fact that she majored in English Lit, Tyra then innocuously asked her to name her favorite literary heroine in English literature.

The girl could not name a single one.

I mean, are you kidding me? Not only could it give Tyra, god bless her, a chance to act superior by talking about Jane Eyre and White Fang (umm...heroine?), but I actually find it extremely sad the girl could not name one! Leaving aside the fact it was her major for four years, and at the risk of sounding like a unrelenting feminist, you can't think of a single strong woman in literature since the invention of the English language?

Are you crazy?

Mind you, the males generally have it better in literature. For awhile in my teens I had a mixed literary crush/hero worship for Edmund Dantes because he was just that deliciously bad ass. But despite the role that most women were placed into in classic literature, I could still name an innumerable amount of awesome ladies that I admired almost as much as the Count.

The aforementioned Jane Eyre. Elizabeth Bennet had wit and sense in spades. I always felt Miranda from the Tempest had a certain strength. Hester Prynne, Lucy Honeychurch, Isabel Archer. Jo March was, personally, my ideal as a young girl. Still is, in fact.

So I find it extremely disheartening that this girl could not name a single literary lady. There are so many to choose from! Make a sister proud.

But speaking of awesome ladies, and literary heroines, I also reread Northanger Abbey this week. I am quite the self proclaimed Austenite, but Northanger Abbey has always been low on my favorites list. But reading it with fresh eyes, I had a lot more patience for, and in fact finally found the charm, in Catherine, the heroine's, naiveté.

This truly surprised me.

I know it was written as a satire of the Gothic novels of the time period, but a few years ago I found her annoyingly gullible. But her artless observations and judgement of the world actually make her unknowingly witty, and I finally found the humor in it. And this realization gave me a new appreciation for the love interest of the novel, Henry Tilney. He was constant in affection, amazingly clever, and found delight and admiration for Catherine's good nature along with me. This, coupled with Jane Austen's proto-feminisist comments as an omniscient narrator have made me reassess its position on my favorite Austen list.

But its interesting that I get so mad about stupid girls on American TV, read Austen's criticisms of patriarchy and delight, and yet can exist happily in Japan. I think its part of being a foreigner, clearly labeled as such, and the exclusion from society as a whole also affords me a sort of freedom from the restrictions of said society.

I do not exaggerate when I say that, in terms of women's rights, its 1964 here. I could write a dissertation on the parallels, but suffice it to say that this is a country where women have a taste of education and are in the workforce, but men still hold all the power. For most of them, their only drive in their early 20s (and truly, what many see as their only option) is to get married and have children. A valid choice if it is just that, but here females are pressured to the extent that women over 25 are referred to disdainfully as "Christmas Cake," or past their prime and unmarriagable.

I wish I was making this up.

There is a younger generation, women in university or just out, yearning for something more than what they see set out before them. And as a Western woman, they confide in me, sharing with me the desire to keep working when they marry. To do more with their life then just find a man to support them.

If ever there was a country in serious need of some bra burning, Japan is it.

So what can I do? Bite back the bile I feel at the inequality and continue to encourage those who do want more to just take it. But Japan is still a country where, in 2009, there are certain jobs only men can apply for. Where there are true office ladies, low level paper-pushing positions with no chance of promotion, who are sometimes forcefully phased out of their jobs at the age of 27 to make room for a 21 year old girl. Where being a flight attendant is seen by most girls as a dream career, international and unattainable. A society where they are expected to giggle and wink and be just the right mix of cute and subservient, while never contradicting the men around them. A country where husbands are out drinking till late every night, but dinner is still expected to be ready and waiting on the table when they stumble home.

But I don't parcel the blame to the men, its the society as a whole. And there are some accomplished women, and many good men. But the system is flawed, and no where near what it's like back home. Its quite jarring at times, and turns me into the angry feminist I never set out to be. And suddenly silly posts about reality TV turn into something more.

So I leave someone more capable to conclude it then I. Miss Jane Austen said it best in Northanger Abbey, and though speaking of Regency England, I find it frighteningly applicable to Japan today. It is the facetious assessment of the qualities good in a women. So please enjoy the wit of Jane, the kind of which I could never supply.

She was heartily ashamed of her ignorance. A misplaced shame. Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. The advantages of natural folly in a beautiful girl have been already set forth by the capital pen of a sister author; and to her treatment of the subject I will only add, in justice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well informed themselves to desire anything more in woman than ignorance.